you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.
*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.
*points to living room* This is where we kick back.
*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.
*points to couch* This is where we chit chat.
*points to computer* This is where we click clack.
*points to shelf* This is where weknick knack.
*points to sex dungeon* This is where we paddy-whack.
What a truly awful website this is
Our Server was checking you out, Haley.
Uh, that's nice.
What, you don't think he's cute?
She's Gay Tammy.
Well whats so good about eating Pussy?
Tammy, my daughter is gay. She eats Pussy; Yes, but it's not just about eating Pussy. She loves the Pussy, she admires the Pussy, she tends to the Pussy, she moves inside the Pussy . . . She is one with the Pussy, because, my daughter is Gay . . . She loves the Pussy.
(Longest Awkward Silence Ever)
You said Pussy like 5 times . . .
8 times Hunny, now finish your Burger.
in first period a girl got dress coded for wearing a tank top with a jacket over it and this scrawny little boy stood up and yelled “OH MY GOD SHE HAS SKIN THE SKIN IS TOO MUCH FOR ME HER SHOULDERS ARE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS TOO MUCH” and the teacher got so annoyed with him that she didn’t get to dress coding her
You go, boy.
1.) The girl practiced safe sex and used condoms. SMART. AS. FUCK.
2.) I’ve seen this reblogged with notes calling her a “whore” and a “skank”. Fuck that noise. Over half the girls on tumblr will, or have, sucked the dick of a guy they just met, only hung out with a few times, or barely know, and then stress because he hasn’t called them back or he’s treating them like shit. Meanwhile the same girls go to work at a minimum wage job where they don’t even make $920 in 3 months, much less a day.
Good for this chick. She’s on her hustle and I ain’t mad at her. Make that money, girl!
you go girl
suck them dicks
achieve your dreams
are we going to ignore that these guys were willing to pay $460 just to have pleasure? i might not know a lot about how this business goes down but dayum she must have done a good job
reblogging for phenomenal gif use
Also reblogging for dat gif
ATTENTION: if you see a post like this, IT IS A SCREAMER. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK.
The screamer includes a black and white flashy gif maximized to fit your browser and a very loud piercing screech noise. If in any way this can trigger you, please be aware and reblog to signal boost.
thankyou ohmygod a friend linked me this literally 2 minutes ago and i was about to click it and i would’ve had a seizure you saved my life ohmygod im so grateful